What a weird entry to add to my blog. I never expected everything would happen so fast. You see, I'm having a lazy evening..... errrrr, well it's almost midnight. I'm in my bed, sipping on wine and listening to the newest tunes on MTV. Blogging. And I'm excited yet fretting about the move I'll be making this Saturday. In 4 days!!!
My girls and I are moving from what has been our family home since Boo was 7 months old!! To where we brought Punky home from the hospital. Where Boo took her first steps and Punky is damn near close to doing the same. To where my mom and stepdad stood in the front foyer and announced and showed me her engagement ring!!! A few memories among more. Not a ton but enough to get you running down memory lane.
It's always those few good memories that hold us back from doing what needs to be done. Husby..... who we will now call The Ex... The Ex and I just weren't happy together. The fear of being without each other held us together, not love. What a sad realization to come to.... Watching people around us holding hands, kissing, saying their I love yous, sharing the parental duties, getting engaged/married, etc etc etc, always brought tears to my eyes but never in the way I wanted (out of joy and happiness for those around me), but out of sorrow for myself, the sadness that I would never experience these things and pure jealousy! I felt so JIPPED! As a little girl, I looked forward to that fairy tale love. Finding Mr. Perfect for me. Finding that person that makes me feel so special and that I'd give my all to make him feel like a king. Somebody who would hold our precious little babies close to his heart. Read them a bed time story instead of watching the evening news. Etc. Etc. Etc. Didn't happen.
At the end of the day, I don't think there is a bad guy here. I really believe we are just two very different people. I love our children. I know he does too. We just show love differently. I'm a very emotional, hands on type of loving person. I put those dearest to me before myself. I have more patience for the ones I love and can bite my lip until it bleeds. The Ex.... A ticking time bomb. And not in a way that he's going to blow up and destroy the world.. But the kind of bomb that is well... always ticking. His mind is always going. He's always thinking of the next thing to do. He stresses 24/7. But don't be fooled... When things come to a head as they will.. He explodes... Not just a little pepper bomb but Hiroshima! It's ugly.
Time with the kids is a few minutes of play. 5 minutes is for them.... 23hrs and 55mins is for everything else in the day. See what I mean? Just two very different ways of doing things.
I like to play (I'm not an airhead, I get plenty of time for down time and think time....), aside from work tho, and hockey... he likes to sit and think.
Saturday doesn't just mark the day that I become a single mother..... yikes... Or the killer fact that I'm leaving the life I've known and am dragging my kids from that life. But it also marks the first time ever that I have my own place. I live by myself, with my little kids. I'm the adult. I pay the bills. I make the decisions. I have to not only take care of myself but I have two precious little babies looking to me to give them the best of me, the best of life. And I will. 110% isn't good enough. I need to go beyond that.
I hope that The Ex finds peace in his life... I want him to be happy.. I truly believe that the three of us, the little ChickeeeTrio will find these things. I just so badly want everybody to be happy, find love, find happiness, live up to our dreams!
.... The end.
Tuesday, 26 June 2012
Wednesday, 7 March 2012
Pre-Spring Vacay!
Well... Kinda. Gooba's mother informed me that she'd be taking this week as well as the next off from work to go to Hawaii. Leaving me 2 weeks of freedom to get out of house with my kids! I informed Husby, he booked this week off from work, so we are spending this week as a family. For the first time since Punky has been born we are relaxing and living our lives almost stress free. Money is a bit tight without 2 weeks income for me but that is alright.
We have spent most of our week in the house. There is not much to do. Unfortunately, this week is the week that Calgary had a snow storm. We've had spring like weather all winter so I guess it's hard to really complain but..... This week!? WTF!? It's ok though. We have managed to get a few things done. We sold my single jogging stroller and double stroller/bike trailer aka... a cheap piece of crap and used the money towards a wicked ass double jogging stroller! Yeah, I love the thing. My girls can now join me as I jog my little heart out every evening!
Today has been my most favoritest day. The sun is out first of all, melting all the snow away! We woke up early to take the girls to Stir Crazy. It's an indoor playground. I recommend it to anyone who has a child 2-8 of age. It has 2 bouncy houses, video games, wicked slides, obstacle courses, play houses, face painting, I COULD GO ON! Boo had a blast before we bribed her out of there with an Elmo balloon, oreos and fruit snacks.
We have spent most of our week in the house. There is not much to do. Unfortunately, this week is the week that Calgary had a snow storm. We've had spring like weather all winter so I guess it's hard to really complain but..... This week!? WTF!? It's ok though. We have managed to get a few things done. We sold my single jogging stroller and double stroller/bike trailer aka... a cheap piece of crap and used the money towards a wicked ass double jogging stroller! Yeah, I love the thing. My girls can now join me as I jog my little heart out every evening!
Today has been my most favoritest day. The sun is out first of all, melting all the snow away! We woke up early to take the girls to Stir Crazy. It's an indoor playground. I recommend it to anyone who has a child 2-8 of age. It has 2 bouncy houses, video games, wicked slides, obstacle courses, play houses, face painting, I COULD GO ON! Boo had a blast before we bribed her out of there with an Elmo balloon, oreos and fruit snacks.
In the infant playground
On the coolest slide ever
Yummy yummy thumb
Making her way up to the slides
Taking a rest at the top
Going though the noodle maze
Loves her balloon
Bye Bye Stir Crazy
Cloth Diapering
3 months into it, I love love LOVE cloth diapering my baby! Boo was cloth diapered for only a short amount of time as she quickly grasped the concept of using the potty. So unless she is sleeping or leaving the house for a long period of time, she is in panties. Punky is cloth diapered almost all the time unless we are leaving the house or night time (where she sleeps thru the night). It initially sounds so intimidating! Cloth diapers equal poopy messes! Laundering stinky diapers, major leaks, rinsing poop off into the toilet, etc etc.
Well I was pleasantly surprised! First of all, I got a wicked deal. $150 got me 45 gently used or new diapers Secondly, when I did forget to put Punky into a disposable before bed and left her 8 hrs in a cloth diaper, there was still no leakage. Laundering? Super easy! Just throw in an extra liner for the expected diaper Punky is about to victimize with her poopiness and voila!!! All you have to do is toss the liner (disposable) into the toilet and its done! Throw dirty bum wraps into a diaper pail, wash with Tide and dry. So easy and inexpensive. I have saved $250 so far.
What's not to love about saving money and the earth, one diaper at a time?
Well I was pleasantly surprised! First of all, I got a wicked deal. $150 got me 45 gently used or new diapers Secondly, when I did forget to put Punky into a disposable before bed and left her 8 hrs in a cloth diaper, there was still no leakage. Laundering? Super easy! Just throw in an extra liner for the expected diaper Punky is about to victimize with her poopiness and voila!!! All you have to do is toss the liner (disposable) into the toilet and its done! Throw dirty bum wraps into a diaper pail, wash with Tide and dry. So easy and inexpensive. I have saved $250 so far.
What's not to love about saving money and the earth, one diaper at a time?
Thursday, 1 March 2012
Catch up
There!!!! I've copied and pasted all my entries from my email to my blog. Done and done. I still missed alot, life got busy, sorry.
Many awesome things are happening. Boo is now a potty trained little girl!!! AND! She sleeps in her big girl bed with pride. Mark this day, as today Punky began sitting up on her own without falling over on her side. She sat next to her sister and played with toys for almost 10mins straight.
Any day now, I'll be getting my Body by Vi kit in the mail. I got the shape kit. I've lost 6lbs and would like to lose another 24 so hopefully this, along with Slim in 6 workout will help get me in shape by summer. It's supposed to help with your energy and mood as well. Today I also spoke with intake to a program that will help me deal with my stress alot better. I can't say enough how excited I am about all of this!!!!
For about a month (so mid Jan til about a week ago), life with Husby got a bit better. He was looking at life with optimism, was a little more active (taking walks), playing with the kids, feeding them and just being a lot more pleasant all around. Until he had a job interview to a place that would give him everything he ever wanted. They told him he is exactly what they are looking for but can't hire him at the time. Stupid, I don't understand why they are even interviewing if they can't hire! So his mood crashed, his spirits sank and he is..... himself again. Miserable. There is no limits and no one is immune to his feelings or behavior except for his youngest sister who for whatever reason, he loves and respects completely. Nobody is as smart or as right as she is, not ever. He even called Boo and pain in the ass, which I could never call her! A bugger, yes. Drives me crazy, yip! But to say that and in front of her, never.
So updates aside, looking forward to the near future. I'm planning and going towards the happier side of my life. Things will suck as long as I let them. So I've decided I won't let this relationship and life suck the awesomeness out of me and my kids. It's time to accept that my team isn't made up of 4 people, it's made up of 3. And that's really awesome!
Many awesome things are happening. Boo is now a potty trained little girl!!! AND! She sleeps in her big girl bed with pride. Mark this day, as today Punky began sitting up on her own without falling over on her side. She sat next to her sister and played with toys for almost 10mins straight.
Any day now, I'll be getting my Body by Vi kit in the mail. I got the shape kit. I've lost 6lbs and would like to lose another 24 so hopefully this, along with Slim in 6 workout will help get me in shape by summer. It's supposed to help with your energy and mood as well. Today I also spoke with intake to a program that will help me deal with my stress alot better. I can't say enough how excited I am about all of this!!!!
For about a month (so mid Jan til about a week ago), life with Husby got a bit better. He was looking at life with optimism, was a little more active (taking walks), playing with the kids, feeding them and just being a lot more pleasant all around. Until he had a job interview to a place that would give him everything he ever wanted. They told him he is exactly what they are looking for but can't hire him at the time. Stupid, I don't understand why they are even interviewing if they can't hire! So his mood crashed, his spirits sank and he is..... himself again. Miserable. There is no limits and no one is immune to his feelings or behavior except for his youngest sister who for whatever reason, he loves and respects completely. Nobody is as smart or as right as she is, not ever. He even called Boo and pain in the ass, which I could never call her! A bugger, yes. Drives me crazy, yip! But to say that and in front of her, never.
So updates aside, looking forward to the near future. I'm planning and going towards the happier side of my life. Things will suck as long as I let them. So I've decided I won't let this relationship and life suck the awesomeness out of me and my kids. It's time to accept that my team isn't made up of 4 people, it's made up of 3. And that's really awesome!
New Years Rez...
Me:
Lose 30lbs
Seek councilling (for my stress)
Take more responsiblities with the bills and learn where they are at
Be happy!
For my Boo:
Help her transition into a big girl bed
Potty training
Get her more social
For Miss Punky
Help her sit up on her own
Crawl
Walk
Socialize
(Me, not be so afraid to let her experience textures in her foods)
Lose 30lbs
Seek councilling (for my stress)
Take more responsiblities with the bills and learn where they are at
Be happy!
For my Boo:
Help her transition into a big girl bed
Potty training
Get her more social
For Miss Punky
Help her sit up on her own
Crawl
Walk
Socialize
(Me, not be so afraid to let her experience textures in her foods)
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas to the world. Christmas is once again, my favorite time of year. I love sharing the day with my babies. Seeing Boo's face light up when she opens up her presents! The stars this year, her Fisher Price Little People House, her Elmo plush chair and her coloring kit! This year was Punky's first Christmas as well! Where she was given her first Elmo, love Boo.
It was a truly wonderful way to end a crazy year! Spent with family, family and family! It drives Husby crazy of course going to my mom's and his sisters every year. He says he just wants to stay home (and live on the couch) next Christmas and everybody else can come by if they want to see the kids. I will be going with the kids with or without him. (Not a big deal if he's there or not anyway, he just sits there.)
I'm excited to see what the new year will bring! I have a good feeling about the years to come. I feel peace, love, happiness and closure on the horizon. Maybe not right away but soon!
Cheers to all and all my love
Im sorry
I have definitely been the worst blogger ever. I didn't fall off the face of the earth, I was simply unsure if I should post my entries any further. It's hard airing all your dirty laundry online sometimes. You never know who will see it and what they will think of you. But at the same time, I'm going thru alot in my life right now (or at least i think so), and I need to get all this crap off my chest as well as share some of the happy moments I experience!
Soooooo, my saved entries will be posted momentarily.
Soooooo, my saved entries will be posted momentarily.
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