Birthday Blues

This little post has been saved on my dashboard forever (Nov 22), so it's a little out dated.

So today is my bday. Filled with highs and lows as to be expected being with Husby. My parents had a family bday celebration for me on the weekend and it was such a blast! My mom always has a way of making people feel special. Cooking a meal just the way I like it. Baking me the birthday cake of my choice.
My entire family was there! My children and husby of course. Parents, grandparents, sisters and brother in law, my aunt and uncle. Just what I wanted! Lots of good company and lots of awesome prezzies just for me ;)

Then came my actual bday day. The day that in the past Husby has voiced he is irritated by my mother for taking, so I've kept it open to him for the past 4 years. And the past 4 years, he's given that day up to another fellow manager so she could go to a baking party or the Edmonton Oilers are on tv. (Let's be real, he'd give it up for the Calgary Flames who he hates.) So what made this day any different? I spent my day doing the norm. Dayhoming. Taking care of my rugrats. Planning my own birthday supper (I ordered Boston Pizza as my mom gave me a giftcard to do so). My dayhome parents stopping to bring me treats was so sweet, they made my day. Because when he came home, he:

-Put the pizza on the counter for me to serve.
-Let me take care of the kids while my meal got cold as he went for seconds and thirds.
-Sat on the couch (while we had to shut up of course) and watched the news.
-Went for a smoke and a shit while I cleaned up the dinner plates and left over pizza (so easy he could have done it!)
-Sat on the couch while I bathed and took care of the kids to get them to bed.
-annnnnnddddd.... come 8pm when the kids were in bed turned on the hockey game telling me there is only one period left. (which tends to turn into over time, commentaries, etc)

He had promised to watch a movie with me, he knows how much I hate that he chooses hockey over me and the kids every time and he did it anyway.

I lost it. I bawled, I was angry, I was sad and just.... hurt. The fight ended in us" breaking up". We haven't mentioned wanting to break up since before the kids were born. He had no sensitivity to me at all. Just for himself and his fucking game I was interrupting.

I spoke on the phone with my mom and sister that night. They mentioned going to councilling or a workshop which he agreed to. He thinks councilling is crap, he'll never go. 6 mons from now, we still will not have gone. 12 mons from now, I have another fucking birthday. My girls and I won't be home that day or night. I promise.

Post Baby Fatty

Those who knew me during and before the end of 2008 knew me as a skinny little rail who could out eat everybody. At 5'3 I weighed 105lbs. I could eat anything I wanted and never gain a pound, in fact I could still lose weight. I ate all the chips I wanted, drank beers and beers and beers, ate donuts, drank fatty lattes.. You name it, I could eat it. But I was also a smoker... And I'm a firm believer that smoking can keep the chunkiness of some people. Not all people but some. And I was one of those people.

Now I'm struggling with 10, 20, 30...35 extra post baby lbs that are slowly coming off. 30 of which I haven't been able to shake since giving birth to Boo. But the 35lbs I gained with Punky is actually 5lbs away from being completely gone! Yay is me!

I used to sneer at my mother who would advise me, eat healthier, cut the carbs, cut the yummy foods I love so much. Argh! "No way!" I would not listen. Don't you hate it when your parents end up being right all along? Because sure enough, as soon as I cut these things out of my diet, "Boom!" the fat came flying off.  12lbs gone immediately after giving birth to Punky, 8lbs from July-Sept. Then I started dieting and lost 10lbs since Sept! A few walks here and there, 60 sit ups a day can take you a long way.

Now here's to hoping it keeps coming off. 35 more lbs to go!

Happy Shmelloween!!!!!!

Happy Halloween everybody. Halloween is seriously one of my favorite occasions. It should be a stat day. I love dressing my toddler up in her cute little costumes and watching her run around and play with her toys.
Yesterday, Husby and I dressed her up as an elephant and took her to the zoo. She is still a little young for Boo at the Zoo, so hopefully in a couple of years, she will be able to enjoy it more so we can take her into the evening hours.

So we dropped Punky off to my parents for a photo sesh. We packed Boo up and we were on our way to the zoo. It was fairly busy as it was 15 degrees, sunny and a Sunday. We met up with some of Husby's friends who have a son Boo's age. Husby was in a rush to move from place to place, they were not. So we eventually lost them and I guess, parted ways for the day.

I really enjoyed myself, being outside, walking off my post baby body and spending time with my family. I wish we did stuff like that more often. Time together usually consists of driving to Airdrie to see Husby's sisters beautiful new home being built, step by step.
Or if we are having a good day we will have a "naughty day" (ahem, not that kind of naughty my friends) and make a junk food stop at McDonalds or Peter's Drive Inn, mmmmmm oh my gawd, Strawberry Banana Milkshake I love you <3 And then once our hour or two is up, it's time to come home and be lazy, blechhh.

Anyways, the zoo! All these cute little kids dressed up in their costumes as well as many brilliant attempts by parents. I saw one mom in a Cookie Monster costume! Too cute.
The only hiccup we really had was, Husby and I got hungry and decided, ok-- time for our weekly junk food pit stop! To the concessions we go. So you'd think that the Calgary Zoo would know by now after operating for how ever long they've been open that Halloween is super busy, its a nice fall day and people there will likely get hungry and buy food? Ummmmm, no. We finally get to the front of the line just to find out 1 of 2 hot entrees they serve at that spot is completely out. No hot dogs!!! FML. Ok, so that means we have to resort to the $6 Cheeseburger. Not so fast! They only had one left. Clearly, I'm annoyed and to make things worse, I need to keep repeating what the girl is telling me to Husby who is friggin standing right beside me. So the girl was trying to direct me to the cafeteria with him blabbing in my ear asking me to repeat so I repeated what she was saying in a snippity kind of way I'll admit. So in response he tells me to fuck off and not talk to him like a youngster. The way he talks to me haha. So off to the cafeteria I go, on my own while he pouts by the elephants with my daughter. $16 later I have his cheeseburger, my hot dog and french fries for Boo.
Walk around to the Tigers after we eat, then time to go! Boo is super tired and angry about something. Sure enough, as I was transferring her from her stroller to her car seat I noticed her poor little bum was soaked. I of course, didn't change her diaper for over 2 hours after stuffing her full of apple juice, water and other treats. After a quick diaper change we were on our way home to little Miss Punky, who I missed like crazy.

The next day started off normal. It was actually Oct 31, soooo yesterday. I ran my dayhome until 4pm that day. With a little side note: Calgary's first snow fall. Very small amount but still, the much dreaded snow. Piglet's dad dropped her off along with some treats for the kids, including cupcakes he made which were awesome. It was so cute watching the kids wear their costumes and enjoy the treats they were given.

Later on that night, Husby and I did our annual trick or treating with Boo and Punky to their great grandparents on my side as well as my parents and sisters, later meeting up with my sister in law. All spoiled my daughters rotten.
Boo, now being old enough to visit a couple places to trick or treat was taken by my sister and step dad. She was scared of many costumes and wouldn't let my sister put her down but she did score some yummy treats. And of course, this was Punky's first Halloween so many pictures were taken of her in her duck costume and her sister in her elephant costume.

Finally, we came home, handed out some candy, put the kids to bed and the long busy day was finally over.

Overall , Halloween was a lot of fun this year. It's fun having children to dress up and enjoy it with. Such a difference from a few years ago when Halloween meant dressing up and getting wasted at a nightclub. Memories!!!

So Here it Begins...

Where do I start? Where to begin???

Well how about this... My life is a bag of crap. To say the least. One person can make your entire life seem pointless and miserable but if you flip the coin I have two other little people who can take that pain away momentarily.
I'm going to remain anomynous for the sake of my two children. I have a two year old girl we will call Boo. That's because she reminds me of the little girl named Boo from Monsters Inc, sooooo cute by the way! My littlest girl is almost 4 months old, we will call her Punky because she sports a natural and hilarous mohawk.

Everyday begins and ends the same. Mind you with a four month old my day rarely ends with the 3am feedings. I might also add, I wake up in my daughter's room as there is a bed next to her crib to prevent Husby from being disturbed by the 3am feeds. Life is so rough for him right?

My day begins at 6:30am when I sit by the door and wait for my dayhome to begin for the day. First comes Boo's bestfriend I'll call Piglet, an adorable two year old girl I've been taking care of part time soon after her first birthday. And then another girl, 19 month old "Gooba".  Both girls are tired, both preferring a later 9:30-10am rise, so soon both go back to sleep leaving me another precious hour to catch up on some much needed rest before Punky wakes up for her morning bottle.

7:40am- Goodbye and kiss from Husby as he is leaving for work

8:30am- Punky and I wake to Boo screaming "Mommy!!" over and over again until I go in and kiss her pretty little face, wash her up, dress her and let her run downstairs emphasizing how much she would like to see my mom aka: Popo to Boo and Punky.

9:30am-10amish- After Boo and Punky have been fed and cleaned, I usually hear Piglet and Gooba babbling away to each other in their nap room. So up the stairs with them, change their diapers and clothing. Then the much anticipated feeding time, which to my children is forced cause like me, eating is a chore. But to these kids, food is their love, their passion. It's too funny and cute. But diaper changing time after such an event really does suck.

10:30am-12pm- Kids play and watch Elmo's world on Sesame Street, as I clean up after breakfast, tend to Punky's needs as she is still very small and wants Mommy all the time. Get lunches ready, not even really have time to think about what I will have for lunch as I have to still figure out supper for when Husby gets home. Change much dreaded poopy diapers, fml, blechhhhh!

12pm-12:45pm- Take turns feeding each child their lunches, fight my child to pretty please eat at least 2 spoonfuls of this delicious lunch.

1:30pm-3:30pm- NAPS!!!! Break time for me.... Maybe, depends on Punky. If Punky decides to nap or just chill out with me, I get lunch! And some much needed 90210 time on Netflix, yessssss! Unless, it's Husby's day off. Once he's done running a few errands for an hour or two, good luck getting him off the couch. I'm shit out of luck my friends.

4pm- Kids diapers are all changed, Gooba's is always a definate poop as she poops constantly and rashes her poor little bottom.

4:30pm- Piglet is picked up

5:00pm- Gooba is picked up

5:00pm- Rush to get supper fixed and hopefully on the table before Husby gets home

5:45pm- Husby comes home, says hi. If supper isn't ready, he's gone to the bathroom until it is. Or to the couch to watch Judge Judy until the Evening News comes on.

6:00pm- Supper is served, everybody be quiet after this long day of being away from each other because the fucking news is on.

6:30pm- Husby goes for a smoke while I finally start to eat after forcing supper down Boo's throat and tending to Punky's cries for attention. Husby may or may not help with the kitchen and dishes depending on if he has a headache or something irrelevant to my life as I never get a break no matter how stupid sick I get.

6:45pm- Everybody shut up, new is almost over which means it's time for Hockey.
              Bath and dress the kids for bed.

7pm- Feed and tuck Punky in, she'll sleep for 4 hours from here.

7:30- Read to Boo, give her a bowl of yogurt, a warm sippy cup full of milk. Brush her teeth and off to bed she goes. Usually with a lot of tears and kicking and screaming.

8:00pm- (On a Monday night, means it is now time to go grocery shopping.) Kids are down which means finishing up what needs to be cleaned. Or, going for my evening walk and then coming home to clean after. It's up to me.

9:30pmish- Finally, shower time!!! Then I can go up to my room, lay down and watch some TV, as Husby is in  the family room occupying that TV and the entire couch, remote in hand.

10:45pm- Clear out of the bedroom as Husby is coming to bed now and would like to "wind down" which he needs the TV to do. Which means, turn off my stupid show so he can watch his boring one.

11:00pm- Feed Punky, give her all my hugs and kisses before I lay down next to her and go to sleep.

My kids are my joy, I live and breathe for them. If it wasn't for them I'd most definitely go insane. I often wish that I could just take them and start a new life with them. So I could be happy and make them soooo happy. So maybe Husby could be happy not listening to me bitch and nag.
 But at the same time, I don't even know how to begin the process. Do I want to go back to work before they go to school? Do I trust a perfect stranger with my most precious loves?
If I keep trying to talk to Husby about this will he eventually care and change? Do I want my girls to grow up believing this is how it is? This is what a wife has to do? It's ok to be treated like a slave? That as a woman, she doesn't matter?

Yes, I do love him but is love really enough? Where do I begin?