So Here it Begins...

Where do I start? Where to begin???

Well how about this... My life is a bag of crap. To say the least. One person can make your entire life seem pointless and miserable but if you flip the coin I have two other little people who can take that pain away momentarily.
I'm going to remain anomynous for the sake of my two children. I have a two year old girl we will call Boo. That's because she reminds me of the little girl named Boo from Monsters Inc, sooooo cute by the way! My littlest girl is almost 4 months old, we will call her Punky because she sports a natural and hilarous mohawk.

Everyday begins and ends the same. Mind you with a four month old my day rarely ends with the 3am feedings. I might also add, I wake up in my daughter's room as there is a bed next to her crib to prevent Husby from being disturbed by the 3am feeds. Life is so rough for him right?

My day begins at 6:30am when I sit by the door and wait for my dayhome to begin for the day. First comes Boo's bestfriend I'll call Piglet, an adorable two year old girl I've been taking care of part time soon after her first birthday. And then another girl, 19 month old "Gooba".  Both girls are tired, both preferring a later 9:30-10am rise, so soon both go back to sleep leaving me another precious hour to catch up on some much needed rest before Punky wakes up for her morning bottle.

7:40am- Goodbye and kiss from Husby as he is leaving for work

8:30am- Punky and I wake to Boo screaming "Mommy!!" over and over again until I go in and kiss her pretty little face, wash her up, dress her and let her run downstairs emphasizing how much she would like to see my mom aka: Popo to Boo and Punky.

9:30am-10amish- After Boo and Punky have been fed and cleaned, I usually hear Piglet and Gooba babbling away to each other in their nap room. So up the stairs with them, change their diapers and clothing. Then the much anticipated feeding time, which to my children is forced cause like me, eating is a chore. But to these kids, food is their love, their passion. It's too funny and cute. But diaper changing time after such an event really does suck.

10:30am-12pm- Kids play and watch Elmo's world on Sesame Street, as I clean up after breakfast, tend to Punky's needs as she is still very small and wants Mommy all the time. Get lunches ready, not even really have time to think about what I will have for lunch as I have to still figure out supper for when Husby gets home. Change much dreaded poopy diapers, fml, blechhhhh!

12pm-12:45pm- Take turns feeding each child their lunches, fight my child to pretty please eat at least 2 spoonfuls of this delicious lunch.

1:30pm-3:30pm- NAPS!!!! Break time for me.... Maybe, depends on Punky. If Punky decides to nap or just chill out with me, I get lunch! And some much needed 90210 time on Netflix, yessssss! Unless, it's Husby's day off. Once he's done running a few errands for an hour or two, good luck getting him off the couch. I'm shit out of luck my friends.

4pm- Kids diapers are all changed, Gooba's is always a definate poop as she poops constantly and rashes her poor little bottom.

4:30pm- Piglet is picked up

5:00pm- Gooba is picked up

5:00pm- Rush to get supper fixed and hopefully on the table before Husby gets home

5:45pm- Husby comes home, says hi. If supper isn't ready, he's gone to the bathroom until it is. Or to the couch to watch Judge Judy until the Evening News comes on.

6:00pm- Supper is served, everybody be quiet after this long day of being away from each other because the fucking news is on.

6:30pm- Husby goes for a smoke while I finally start to eat after forcing supper down Boo's throat and tending to Punky's cries for attention. Husby may or may not help with the kitchen and dishes depending on if he has a headache or something irrelevant to my life as I never get a break no matter how stupid sick I get.

6:45pm- Everybody shut up, new is almost over which means it's time for Hockey.
              Bath and dress the kids for bed.

7pm- Feed and tuck Punky in, she'll sleep for 4 hours from here.

7:30- Read to Boo, give her a bowl of yogurt, a warm sippy cup full of milk. Brush her teeth and off to bed she goes. Usually with a lot of tears and kicking and screaming.

8:00pm- (On a Monday night, means it is now time to go grocery shopping.) Kids are down which means finishing up what needs to be cleaned. Or, going for my evening walk and then coming home to clean after. It's up to me.

9:30pmish- Finally, shower time!!! Then I can go up to my room, lay down and watch some TV, as Husby is in  the family room occupying that TV and the entire couch, remote in hand.

10:45pm- Clear out of the bedroom as Husby is coming to bed now and would like to "wind down" which he needs the TV to do. Which means, turn off my stupid show so he can watch his boring one.

11:00pm- Feed Punky, give her all my hugs and kisses before I lay down next to her and go to sleep.

My kids are my joy, I live and breathe for them. If it wasn't for them I'd most definitely go insane. I often wish that I could just take them and start a new life with them. So I could be happy and make them soooo happy. So maybe Husby could be happy not listening to me bitch and nag.
 But at the same time, I don't even know how to begin the process. Do I want to go back to work before they go to school? Do I trust a perfect stranger with my most precious loves?
If I keep trying to talk to Husby about this will he eventually care and change? Do I want my girls to grow up believing this is how it is? This is what a wife has to do? It's ok to be treated like a slave? That as a woman, she doesn't matter?

Yes, I do love him but is love really enough? Where do I begin?